Mentoring

"Mentoring is a brain to pick, an ear to listen, and a push in the right direction."

I’ll be honest; I was quite apprehensive about the entire process when I started with the mentoring session. The thoughts that kept creeping in my head were – What questions will I ask a person with more than 4 times my work experience? What are intelligent questions and what constitute dumb questions? Would the outcome be something implementable or be some more “general gyan”?

2 sessions past, I now believe that THIS is one of the best features about the entire 1 year Leadership program at SOIL.

I have learned some of the fundamental and essential traits of management (personal and professional) during my mentoring meet – and from a person who epitomizes simplicity & humility, is down to earth, considerate and clearheaded.

It is said that, “An Advice is like snow; the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper it sinks into the mind.” I have realized the truth of this statement in the last one month. Some of the takeaways from my last mentoring session were –

* A manager can either assume that a person in the team will not do work because he is just not interested and hence not give that person anything to do or the manager could ask himself “what can I do to help this person be a better contributor."  It is important that we create an environment that helps people do their job, that makes people see value in what they are doing and feel motivated

* While managing people a leader needs to realize that each person is different and unique, so the factors that motivate him/her would be different as well. Each person needs to be treated differently

*  How we react to situations, what we are today can all be linked back to our past. We need to figure what those experiences/incidents were (root cause analysis), get the ghost out of the closet and bid it goodbye

* We can change the way we are, just need to understand why we are that way and make a genuine effort to change

* Any good Action plan starts with identifying the areas of improvement, root cause analysis of the developmental areas and then coming up with the steps to bridge the gap between the desired and the present state

* Communication is the most important asset and a key to successful negotiations, building strong relationships, motivating teams and a lot more. And this is my focus area for the next one month. I have started with reading the book, “I wish I’d said that!” and trying to identify if I have a Noble, Socratic or a Reflective communication style.

While coming back from the meeting I remembered something my boss had told me once --  A few things in the world are much more powerful than a positive push - A smile, a word of optimism and hope and a "you can do it". I think this is what good mentors do!

The Last Year!!

The month was May

Happy, glad, fresh was the time of the day

Clueless, curious, ready to learn

We all came together on a turn..

Full with energy, desperation and fun

Everyone was ready to make a long run

Summers passed came the month of December

These winters were a time to remember

We turned to each other when the odds were low

Slowly in each other’s heart we began to grow

Laughing, talking, bullying and fighting

we together made this year sooo delighting 

It’s the end of that road and time to go different ways,

But let’s carry our perfections and imperfections alone

let’s be what we are .. and keep trying something new    

Life is a journey.. let’s go for another ride            

Be each other’s support, inspiration and pride

and my friends ...Lets sit together someday someplace for a little more while ... :)

A friend - who makes me smile ! :) :)

We met not so long ago, and spent half the time fighting

But still turned to each other when the odds were low

And things didn’t seem so taxing

Without you the year would’ve been so unexciting

You comforted me when I was glum

Listened to my endless and senseless woes with rapt attention

You showed me the light when surrounded in dark

Poured in all your wisdom (;)) – and encouraged me to never give up

We argued and debated – till we agreed or agreed to disagree

Unforgettable are the sametime chats, the dhaba and the multiple cups of tea

The dog nosed you, was who I turned to anytime

The one who could put up with my mood swings and curt replies

I am full of imperfections, and so are you

But somehow, your pranks and jokes I like

And my friend - you make me smile.

So true on Corporate World

A friend of mine sent me this and I loved it - Interesting Read !!


" Working Life SUCKS!! Let's be honest here. Bad stuff can happen to good people. Bright, smart, hard-working souls who try to do a good job often end up getting walked over, trodden on, beaten down. And arrogant, nasty, vindicative types often seem to have a fast-track ticket that allows them to rise straight to the top. But you didn't need me to tell you that. I bet you can think of a dozen instances where you have seen precisely that happen.


But why does it go on in the first place?


Because business is about competition. Some of it is subtle and unspoken, but nearly everybody is competing for budgets, opportunities to work on more exciting projects, customers or resources. And then there's competition for promotions, time with important colleagues. prestige, recognition, bigger salaries, and of course, power. But the very fact that people do plot and scheme at work illustrates one of the truths of politicking - that it delivers results.



While we're at it, here's another home truth - politicking happens whether you like it or not. Yes, some people try to be noble and refuse to play the political game; they focus on their job and work hard in the hope of being noticed and rewarded for their efforts.



But sadly there are limited opportunities in the world of work and more often than not, these sort of people just end up being overlooked oe ignored. Do you want to be overlooked or ignored?



Of Course NOT.


You'd think that would be a silly question - whether anyone would choose to be overlooked or ignored. But too many people try in vain to get ahead without playing the politial game. I coach managers across a lot of businesses, and this is always the first point that needs hammering home. If you can find the right buttons to push, your colleagues and customers wil give you pretty much whatever you want. If you think you can succeed without getting political , you need to WAKE up. Wake up and smell that coffee. Because people at work can broadly be divided into two camps. Of course there are shades of grey, but lets's simplify to make the point.


On one hand we have purists, the people who focus on their work . They dislike politices and try to work hard. They may be very good at their job and work honestly and diligently - if somewhat naively. They follow rules and regulations, try to do what is "fair" or "right" and feel frustrated when decisions are not "fair" or "right".


Nice does not mean nice , it often ends up meaning LOSER. They are nice guys , but I,m afraid nice does not mean nice.And because they refuse to play politics , they get taken advantage of. They end up as organizational martyrs, moaning about the unfairness of life but never doing anything about it.

On the other hand, we have players. And players are the very opposite of purists. While they respect official rules and regulations, they understand that the unofficial rules of politics are often more important. They realise that decisions are rarely "fair" or "right" and that decisions makers have both personal as well as professional buttons that need to be pressed. Okay, they may not always be the very best at their day-to-day jobs, but their connections and influence help them to vault up the carrer ladder over their purist colleagues.

Many purists refuse to play the political game, believing it to require underhand tactics and a malicious intent. But politics is not automatically bad. Politicking merely describes the act of scrutinizing business relationships and learning how to influence others more effectively.

It usually involves going through informal channels rather than officially sanctioned ones, but that does not make it bad in and of itself.

Nor does politicking have to be selfish. You can use your understanding of politices to influence people and achieve goals that are good for organization as well as yourself. Even in the most friendly and supportive of organizations , people do not always agree - so having an understanding of politics and how to exert influence can help you to pull people together and achieve outcomes that are in the organization's best interest too.

Try to manipulate and use people and you will probably get caught. You could be tranished with the label of being "political". which can make people refuse to trust you or want to listen to you again. So effective politicking has to be as much about GIVE as it is about TAKE.

So, Play the GAME or get left behind. Which are you going to go for ???"

Anniversary Time !!

Time really flies ...........!!

It has been a year since I started this blog ......I clearly remember my enthusiasm and my secret resolution to be a regular in the blogging world ...

Well , resolutions are meant to be broken. Ain't they? :)
Cant say I have been busy all the while , but somehow it just didn't happen the way I planned. Apologies my sweet blog .. and wish you a Happy Anniversary !!

I promise to mend my ways and you will see more of me this year for sure !!

..... and It never rained !

Wake up Sid reminded me of THOSE days ... the surprises, the fun , the fights and that rain that never came ...

People say the movie gives great insights .... sure it does !! I saw myself out there fighting .... yelling for no reason, smiling and singing with a crying heart.

The difference was in my case It Never Rained !!

Why is life so complicated... so upsetting !! Should you forget the past , forget everything and make friends with a person who was with you but never still with you ..

You made it rain for yourself my friend .. though far away from me ... and I wish you the very best and all the happiness... but ........

The hurt and pain lingers... more so because of your pretense and endless lies....

Cannot do what you say ... cannot go to the start again ..... its better to amputate the wound than keep it there expecting that the wound will dry one day ... it would not .. never !!

You said once its difficult to expect rainfall in Sahara ..... but the tiny droplets will take the free fall and kiss the land one day ...and on that day I might be able to say ..... "Lets move on as mature adults."

My Friend - My Sunshine!

He is the one who knows me through and through
knows why I do the things I do
I count on him - any place or time
He is My Friend - My Sunshine!

He is my rescue angel , when I lose my wallet
He is the counsellor for my heartbreak
He comes running to support and comfort anytime
He is my Friend - My Sunshine!

He is there to listen to my endless talks
doesn't matter if I make sense or not
He puts up with my woes and cries
my mood swings or curt replies

He shows me the light when surrounded in dark
always encouraging to never give up
His jests and jokes cheer me up
and bring back my smile , inducing me to keep trying
He is my Friend - My Sunshine!

I thank him for being there for me
And wish that he always - Stands by Me
as My Friend - My Sunshine!

Adios .......

Goodbye's are difficult.... more difficult are the periods after the Goodbye's.

So many changes have been happening in office recently. People moving to other teams, people moving out for other opportunities.......... and some taking a different road altogether.

But what remains common in all is the underlying hope, faith and belief ....the excitement with with they embrace the new beginning.... and Move on !!

Life is a journey and the true joy of life is in the trip.

So all my friends heading for a change ..... Climb more mountains, eat more ice cream, go barefoot more often, swim more rivers, watch more sunsets, laugh more, cry less. Life must be lived as we go along.

A good motto to follow is to "Relish the moment"

With that being said , the spaces you are leaving behind will be impossible to fill. You will always be remembered.

As is said , "You can never replace anyone because everyone is made up of such beautiful specifics. "

Frozen in Time ..........

It is said that "Change" is the only constant in the world.......

But that doesnt apply to me somehow.

Everyone , everything seems to be moving ..... with me standing still at one place looking, wondering.I feel like that strong historic monument (not by age but by the speed of change) ...some old house that is a witness to all the transformations happening around it , breaths in those changes, lives with those changes but still remains just the same......has the same verandah, same porch , same rooms , same shrub crawling its walls when the other houses in the vicinity are being refurbished and modernized...... that house is STONED at its place...
Frozen in Time !!

Need a Shake-up .... a reformation !!! and need it soon ................... Need it Now !!!

The Change

The Scene will Change,
my heart does say

This moments gloom,
will turn into glee

The hope is there,
the will is there

So what if darkness engulfs me now,
The Curtain will rise again, I am sure......

Bring another scene, another story
Another look of this face

In the forefront, I am sure...........

Someday........ Somehow…......
Sometime ……….... I am sure ……....

The List .........!!!

Seeing my sullen face, one of my managers had once said, “When a girl turns twenty-three the only things that can worry and upset her are –
1.) The question ‘When are you getting married?’
2.) The universal ‘Boyfriend problem’”

Today, I know for sure how true the statement is. (If not 100%, it applies to 99.99 % of the cases)
As soon as a girl reaches or is about to reach the age of 23, Parents, relatives, near and dears and the not-so-near-and-dears start the BIG Hunt. Its like an army of hunters looking for the right SHIKAAR !!! (big, meaty, fluffy, edible…. The requirements might wary)…………. But unlike the jungle hunt, the animals being hunted in this case happily present themselves and are all eager to be chained, detained and butchered. What matters most to them is the ‘Best Shikaar Trophy!’

Being four years past that age, I have been through the questionings and interrogations of one n all and seen all the hunting sprees…... but without any favourable outcome, to the disappointment of everyone. (Needless to say, to my Delight…Why ?? … who the hell wants to marry)

A few of my friends are also going through a similar phase and we frequently share our woes and worries.(at times, knowing that someone else is also suffering the same, helps)
Manish , is one such friend. Though we have not met in years, but technology and G-talk have helped maintain contact.
It was on the eve of his sisters marriage , and I was happily chatting with him , teasing him that he is next in the line and should look for a prospective bride at the wedding when he asked me this question , “What sort of a guy are you looking for?”
Not that I have not been asked this question before, but somehow never bothered to give it a serious thought and reflect beyond the physical and financial aspect.

But this time on his asking, I started jotting down the characteristics I felt would help develop compatibility and share a great bonding with someone. The list below covers most of the qualities My Man needs to, ought to possess, qualities that I cannot do without –

• Should be tall ( ard 5’9 – 6’2 , no more than 6’4) and good –looking.
• Should be an MBA (from a reputed institute) or hold a Managerial level job with an MNC. (No illiterate IT engineers, with the phoreign stickers)
• Should be an avid Reader.
• Good sense of humor and well informed about the current matters (not limited to cricket and women)
• Should like travelling and fond of seeing different places.Go for an outing every alternate weekend (if not every). Couch potatoes n TV lovers stay away.
• Has to be a Good Cook (coz I simply can’t)
• Should not be a hypocrite
• Should have the Maturity, Ability and Confidence to stand up for any thing wrong and raise his voice against it. (following proper channel ofcourse)
• SIMPLE n GROUNDED. Love for brands is okay, as long as he is not flashy and does not make a big show of the brands. (Should not be a social snob)
• No party lover
• Good sense of humour and treats everyone with respect.
• Should be more attached to humans than CAR. (Would be in his own interest, coz can’t say what will happen to the car once I lay my hands on it)
• Should believe in the concept of family and uphold the values, principles and responsibilities of a family man.
• BLOT. – SHOULD LOVE DOGS!!!!(Should love all animals, but dogs for sure)
  
  These are a few things that my conscious and sub-conscious mind searches for in every guy. Difficult to find all in one, but I am sure he exists somewhere. I am sure the clouds with part one day and make us meet.
  If anyone reading this list knows of any such guy, please let me know….. ;-)

Now, how can I conclude without giving out Manish’s list? Well, here is the list of traits and attributes his GIRL should possess ---

• Should be a working girl, preferably from Finance or Engineering sector.
• Should be slim (though he is not and wants some motivation)
• Should have the knowledge about Share Market or should be willing to learn.
• Should be outgoing and should readily accompany him to clubs and discs
• Should be a contemporary and progressive but also understand and appreciate family values.
• Should have a beautiful smile, seeing which all tension withers away
• Should be simple and not overspend on make-up and shopping
• Brands are fine as long as she remains within the budget.
  
  Anyone interested?? Any matches?? Let me know … .. :-)
  
  People say that “Opposites attract”. Well, they might, but they need to possess some similar qualities also otherwise the attraction is short lived.

Do not know when and where this Hunting Season will end for me or my friends. But I pray for everyone who is going though the same phase (guys/gals) that it ends soon for you and the outcome super exceeds your expectations. Cheers !!

Appreciation – The best Gift !!!

Ever wondered what to gift a person? Even stood in a gallery or a gift shop finding a good, nice, under the budget gift……. Ever been confused, disgusted, tired … thinking if someone could help make a choice?
Ever thought what a Good GIFT means? Ever thought what you want the gift to accomplish? …….. The reasons for giving a gift could vary depending on the receiver… girlfriend, boyfriend, just friends, mom, dad, relative, cousin, boss, et al.
But be it anyone, two objectives remain common and are always to be considered while choosing a gift.
One – leave a fond memory with the gift and Two – bring a sweet smile to the receiver. (If not a WAAOHH … expression)

I have a bunch of niece and nephews, cousins, relatives and friends …. And would happily outsource the job of finding gifts - if given a choice. (Needless to say, I decide the SLA and budgeting part)

In office also, November brings with it the gift sharing season. So, the regular chocolates, chips, burgers and sandwiches do the rounds in the name of Diwali, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year gifts. (After all, we are the fixed income group surviving somehow on palsy pay checks.)

I work with a great team of young, energetic, talented, fun loving people and each one is a peculiar piece. This Thanksgiving, I thought of doing something different for them. I wrote a distinct feature or characteristic that I liked the most, of every individual on separate piece of paper…. Be it playfulness, jokes and laughter, the energy, hard work, rigour, dedication, the helpful attitude, keenness to learn , enthusiasm, cooperation , spirit of team work…. thanked them for it and pinned those notes on the Common board.

No big words, no false praise – just ten to fifteen words each stating what they have done, what do they do and why is it appreciated.

The looks on the faces and the glint on the eyes was an indicator of my success. I saw the curve and the upward turn of lips, dimples on the cheek, the inflated chests, and the heads held straight. I heard the exuberance and joy in their voice and felt their delight and happiness.

Ever wondered how simple words of appreciation can make a BIG difference. They have the power to motivate, encourage and inspire. Appreciation brings recognition and is the best reward. It’s an acknowledgment of the work well done and is the Best gift one can give.

We can gift this gift anytime and does not cost a dime (no special occasion needed). So, go ahead, appreciate every small thing that someone does for you and make him/her feel special and wanted. Tell them how thankful you are and how they make a difference to your life.
But remember , be honest to yourself and to others, stay away from false praise and do not overdo it, otherwise it will lose the magic and the charm and become just an ordinary, better–to-be-thrown-away gift.

Share the candy of appreciation with everyone and enjoy the sweetness it brings to your and the receivers life.
(But – this is no replacement for the other worldly gifts, it’s rather an add-on to it. So, please do not stop the flow of gifts)

Trust Me

'Trust Me' you told me once
I Did ...!
I covered my eyes with Faith
Believed You! Trusted You !
and Somehow came close to you

Trust was then dumped in the dustbin
You broke it
Gently, silently, disguised
Unknowingly, ere I could see

I was dumped, cheated
Deceived.
Tell me now, what to trust
Your Deceit ??

The Beginning

It all started with a sudden burst of enthusiasm to share my thoughts, memories and feelings and to just pin them somewhere , where years later , reading them makes me travel back in time and re-live those moments.
I am no writer, but occasionally scribble my thoughts down.

This blog is a collection of a few 'bubblegums and candies', of my life that made me laugh, smile, cry, sob , muse or ponder. (thanks Preeti Shenoy - I stole the title of your book, which btw is truly Amazing).